How Not To Quit Your Job

Quitting any job is tough and there is not really a good way to do it. Somebody somewhere is going to get their feelings hurt or make you feel bad for doing what you have to do. There are a number of ways to quit your job, like a resignation cake or a YouTube video. Some ways are worse than others and they destroy any sympathy anybody might have for you. They turn the story from you leaving a terrible job to you just being an attention seeker. So to avoid looking like a bad guy, try to make sure you don’t do any of these, which are nine of the worst ways to quit your job.

Not Showing Up

At least have the guts to show up and tell everyone you’re leaving. It’s really not fair to just leave everybody in the lurch. Sure, you get to sleep in and then watch re-runs of Top Gear in your underwear, but if you have a soul, you’ll just feel like Jeremy Clarkson's judging you through the screen, his eyes dripping with the same contempt he normally only shows the producers on his show (and nobody needs to feel judged by Jeremy Clarkson). Besides, you’re really only delaying the inevitable. You might think everyone will get the hint, but it’s going to make that phone call a week later asking where you are and hoping that you’re okay really awkward. Plus, how can you ask them for a reference?

Making A ‘Jerry Maguire’ Speech

You’re just quitting your job and you're not Tom Cruise in Jerry Maguire. You don’t look badass and nobody is going to give you a ‘80s movie slow-clap’ when you’re done. Instead, they will all just look vaguely uncomfortable and avoid eye contact until you’re hustled out of the building with your head down, embarrassed. And then instead of being that person who stood up for their principles, you’ll just be known as that weird dude who flipped out and gave a weird speech just before lunch that one time. So settle down, and don’t let your emotions get the best of you.

Get Someone Else To Do It

What are you, an 11 year-old breaking up with her first “boyfriend / girlfriend?” No one’s going to respect you if you have someone else do your dirty work for you. It just makes you look weak. Besides, what kind of person makes someone else deal with that kind of awkwardness? “Oh yeah, Bob said he wouldn’t be in today......or ever.” You’re putting someone else in your boss’s crosshairs. At least send a text like a 16 year old!

Suicide By Boss

In America, there is a concept known as “suicide by cop,” which is when someone decides to end it all by forcing the police to shoot them. It’s the same idea at work. You’re too cowardly to pull the trigger yourself and so you just act like a douchebag for a few weeks until your boss has no choice but to fire you. This just makes things miserable for everyone. Just man up and quit if you’re going to quit. Don’t mope around until nobody can take it anymore and even the friendly janitor with the lazy eye who likes to talk about bunny rabbits hates you.

Insult Everyone

Sure, it might seem liberating, but good luck getting another job once your reputation gets out. Nobody wants to deal with a head-case who’s going to lose their mind the moment you get down and start burning everyone around you. Besides, you totally lose the moral high-ground when you do this and if there’s one thing that everybody knows it’s that the person with the moral high-ground is the one who “wins” in these situations, and you’re no loser, are you?

Go Viral

Okay, so your friends think it’s totally funny that you quit via YouTube video, but, it’s not going to end well. First of all, do you really want a million people to know you couldn’t hack flipping burgers or shuffling papers? Secondly, you leave yourself open to corporate retaliation, and if there’s anything more embarrassing than someone mooning their employers in a YouTube video, it’s that you get clowned by Ronald McDonald in a follow-up YouTube video. Sure, you’ll know how Biggie felt after Tupac released “Hit ‘Em Up” – but just remember how that ended for everybody.

Hurt Your Co-Workers

If there’s one thing you really, really don’t want to do, it’s burn your co-workers on the way out. Sure, you escaped, but just remember, if you don’t do it the right way, one of your ‘brothers in arms’ is going to have pick up the slack (and since you know more than everybody how much the job sucks, why would you do that to someone?). Even if you hate your co-workers, there’s probably at least one poor soul you get along with and you’re torching them along with everybody else. Again, you lose all the high-ground when you do this and you turn a whole office against you, when it should be your bosses who take the heat for you leaving.

If you want to know the best way to resign and find your dream job, contact us.

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